Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

As a friend of Megan's who also watches Suits, would you advise her not to return to the show in order to protect her character's reputation?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Powerful solar telescope unveils ultra-fine magnetic 'curtains' on the sun's surface - Space

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why am I always so tired and I don't eat enough?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

My wife has a bunch of really attractive friends, and she expects me to never say anything to her about how beautiful they are. Does this seem fair? I love my wife, and just commenting shouldn’t hurt anything, right?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

If Donald Trump is so evil and Joe Biden is so good why is Trump the one selflessly providing Bibles for the needy while Biden doesn't? Why doesn't Biden care for America's spiritually needy people as much as Trump?

I don’t buy bullshit

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Russia’s central bank cuts interest rates for first time since 2022 - Financial Times

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Adam Sandler will cast Derrick Henry in a movie if he rushes for 2,000 yards - NBC Sports

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

A misplaced MRI found a tumor on her spine. Doctors removed it through her eye in a first-of-its-kind surgery. - CBS News

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Your Brain Wrinkles Are Way More Important Than We Ever Realized - ScienceAlert

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Murder, Sexual Assault, And Massive Fraud: 15 Celebrities Who Are In Jail For A Long Time - BuzzFeed

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What is the best way to get revenge on people who hurt you?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have a reading level above third grade

To a flat Earther, what's wrong with the idea that gravity is simply a force inherent to space which operates only in one dimension? Why do they go further and try to deny gravity rather than just saying it's different than physicists claim?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Avalanche Signs Nelson - NHL.com

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I can count

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I actually pay taxes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I can read

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity